I understand why many of the postings would irritate local Indians. The tone of many postings makes me feel that too many people see their relationship with India as “us” (foreigners) against “them” (INdians) which is dispicable and unacceptable. These types of people should just go home.

VIVA to equality and cultural diversity.

Thank you for your reply. It was really thought provoking and honest, and I appreciate your insights.

I admit, that upon re-reading my post it is written with a lot of anger, much of it probably because of my own insecurity being a wealthy expat in India and feeling these same feelings of alienation (although on my salary I could never think of living in DefCol!).

These things are tricky and not black and white, but I do feel saddened by the fact that when I hang out in groups which are exclusively foreigners, I often have felt on edge and having to “defend” India and Indians.

I know that this mostly comes from a lack of understanding context of history, feeling left out of what is honestly a very racist society and guilt around the differences in wealth.

I am sure being African in this country is hell. People are extremely prejudiced, and I cannot understand how difficult that must be. I am 1/2 Indian, but to most, I just look “white”, so I don’t deal with this level of discrimination. Prejudice and stereotypes, yes, but not negative discrimination. I suppose, if I felt this day in and day out, I would feel that expat societies were more my cuppa tea.

I actually don’t have so much of an issue with a “expat meetup” as an affinity group as long as it is non-exclusive. I may have even been interested in going. One of my big laments about India is how non-cosmopolitan it is. I do still take serious objection to employment discrimination though.

A colleague of mine spent 5 years in the Peace Corp in Chad, and when discussing this with her, she said she experienced much of the same there. She lived almost totally among Chadians and learned Chadian Arabic, but many of the French expats there only hired French people in their bars, and stayed exclusively in expat circles, despite hiring Chadians as help and frequenting Chadian prostitutes. A lot of her anger from this was not just at the hypocrisy and injustice of it, but the fact that it set yet another roadblock up in her acceptance in Chad, as she would be associated with their behaviors.

I guess that is where some of my “venom” comes from. Also I was shocked that everyone thought this was totally non-contentious and I was an asshole for bringing it up. I don’t know where you are from, but if you are Nigerian, how would you feel if some Brits set up a social club, and said that Nigerians are not allowed to work in the front. How is that different from “whites only” signs in the U.S. south? Well, it’s actually worse, because Alex is IN INDIA! This is not really about White Europeans in India and the legacy (although that sets up much of the sensitive relationship). We can phrase his ad another way: “BARTENDER WANTED: NO INDIANS ALLOWED.” He’s excited that people from 10 ethnicities applied, so it’s not that he wants white people, he just doesn’t want an Indian, and I still don’t understand why.

I don’t feel welcome in India anymore and I feel that there is a sense of animosity towards me because I am a foreigner. I am saddened by this as I hoped that I would forge long term relationships with Indian people during my 2 or 3 years here. I find your comments about ‘expats preferring to live in their obvious wealth (far greater than at home)’ and ‘expats not wanting to see Indians behind the bar’ contrived. The general tone of the post leaves a very bitter taste in ones mouth. I would venture to say that it carries the tone of someone who has a strong vendetta against expats, or as you put it ‘White Europeans’. It feels somehow that you want expats to apologize for the oppression that Indians have experienced in the past. I apologize on behalf of the Westerners, Muslims, Hindus etc who have been brutalizing each other for thousands of years in India.

You seem to take the moral high ground, having lived in Delhi for a long time and being married to an Indian woman. Somehow I don’t feel that it puts you in a position to condemn how foreigners choose to live in Delhi. That said in support of part of your argument I do find it all a bit incestuous and sad how expats hang out in certain places that are generally expensive and seldom get out into ‘real’ India. However I don’t think that it is your position to attack expats on that front. It is hard to make friends in Delhi especially when you have just started to learn Hindi and are new to the city. It is nice to build a support system through meeting other foreigners once every couple of weeks on a Thursday. I really don’t understand what the problem of having foreign people working behind a bar is? I think you turned a simple ad calling for foreign women into an unnecessary racial issue and the contempt that you portray toward expats only makes the situation worse.

I found your post interesting, well written and I hope you got some issues you have with expats off your chest. It made me feel pretty shitty about myself and I feel less positive about being accepted into the Indian community. I hope we get to meet someday I would like to debate many things with you. It probably won’t be in a place where it is just extremely rich Indians and foreigners as I am an African and earn an African wage. You might be interested to know that one can sometimes feel discriminated against being a Black person in India.